There was a time in my
life when I was a size 0. It was not something I was doing, no diet, no
exercise! Those days I could eat just about anything and not put on even an ounce
of weight and I used to eat like a pig! Putting on weight was incredibly
difficult for me. My fiancé used to be teased that he was marrying a bag of
bones. Sigh, sigh and sigh again, kaha gaye wo din?!
Now, post-marriage, 2
children, and a good comfy life in Bangalore later, my size has mushroomed. Sometimes
I feel like even looking at food makes me put on weight. When did all this
happen, trust me I have no clue at all! On reflection though, all this weight
has taken me about 10 years to put on, from the time I got married, had kids
and shifted to Bangalore. To top it all, the stress of running my own business.
All in all, I have become a very big-size woman.
As it happens when you go
up in sizes, name calling, snickering, and comment passing started. I wouldn’t
even write down the things I have heard, they were so hurtful! I’ve always been
a woman complimented for her features and yet, these comments hurt to the
extent that I had no self-confidence; they made me feel inferior to others and
I never thought myself worthy of anything good.
During this phase I tried
out everything - strict dieting, trips to the gym, exercise, walks, the list is
endless. Sometimes I wonder what I was surviving on! Nutritionists, trainers, well-meaning
friends – I heard everyone and tried to follow their advice as much as I could.
I did end up losing a certain amount of weight but I was over strained by one
trainer at a gym and developed Sciatica - a most painful condition to have. The
pain was so intense that I was confined to bed-rest and obviously everything
that I was doing went flying out the window. Worse, all the lost weight came back with
a vengeance.
I tried many things to
find a cure and in the end, I was finally able to come out of it due to a
technique my husband taught me, which I will discuss in a future blog.
Essentially, he sat me down and explained to me that I was good as I was. My
size did not make me inferior and that I should accept myself.
This is always easier said
than done, right? But I knew I had to start believing it and so I started
working on accepting myself. Earlier, I would wear baggy clothes to hide my size, and so I began
to pick up clothes which were meant for my size. This small change made a world
of difference in how I looked. I started low-intensity exercises, walking, and
would eat mindfully. Exercising releases endorphins and this created a feel
good factor for me. Slowly but surely I started gaining confidence, I accepted
myself, to the extent that I even stopped coloring my grey hair.
Strange things started to
happen – suddenly, because of my size, my look, and my grey hair I started
getting work to act in ads. I soon started to be called to give motivational
talks and share my story. All this because of the way I carried myself - I was
getting respect for who I am and what I embody.
A golden era has started
in my life, all because I accepted myself the way I was. My size, instead of pulling
me down is now in fact doing the reverse. I have become the woman which I had
visualized myself to be and I truly believe that there is an awesome future
ahead of me as I work continuously at bettering myself every day. No longer do
I compare myself to anyone but me. I compare myself to who I was yesterday, and
the winning? It is winning over myself and not competing with anyone else.
I follow our IMSWANK Motto
Size Doesn’t Matter, I
Matter, IMSWANKIMSWANK Website
IMSWANK FB Page
